FEMA Requests MORE Plastic Coffins?


On Monday, FEMA Deputy Chief of Staff William Zito told DHS acting Deputy Secretary Claire Grady that the Federal Emergency Management Agency needed more “storage containers” and “gardening tubs” to fulfill obligations as outlined in the Patriot Act, said an active FEMA officer speaking under condition of anonymity.  The agency, he said, shuns the term “coffin” and often uses code words or internal jargon when referencing questionable purchases, especially if agency officials believe that the press might catch wind of private conversations.

Deputy Zito, our source said, requested an additional 500,000 plastic coffins, which the government allegedly purchases from China at 10,000 Yuan ($1500 usd) per unit, to supplement over a million units, each able to fit six adult-sized corpses, FEMA has already strategically stockpiled across the nation.

A 2015 FEMA study, he added, estimated three percent of the population (approximately nine million people) would resist a declaration of Martial Law; therefore, FEMA wants to ensure it has enough “garden tubs” to house at least that many—and possibly more—bodies.

Quoting our source, we must deliver some grave news:

“FEMA will not tolerate resistance. Say, for example, the father of a family of five resists and takes up arms against the government. Even if the rest of the family is compliant, in FEMA’s eyes they’re all culpable. It’s truly Klingon mentality; the sins of the father effect the entire family. So we’re looking at a potential situation where an entire family might be thrown into a single tub and buried together,” our source said.

Also disturbing, he alleges that FEMA has been conducting periodic field tests since 2005. During Hurricane Katrina, the agency disposed of six hundred people, mostly homeless persons and looters, to determine how many bodies could effectively fill a single unit. Afterward, the coffins were buried deep beneath the ground.

“Proper containment is important to prevent the spread of disease on those who remain FEMA compliant,” our source said.

FEMA conducted a repeat performance during Hurricane Harvey, rounding up and herding wayward Houstonians onto FEMA barges that were berthed at Port Arthur and Corpus Christi. He said they were “dealt with and disposed of” in the most sanitary method possible. He suspects, but cannot confirm, that similar tests were done in Hawaii in the aftermath of the Mt. Kilauea eruptions.

“FEMA is operating in a heightened state of paranoia. They fear the American public. Literally every day, the hierarchy has meetings to discuss how they’re going to handle a domestic insurgency or civil insurrection when Martial Law is declared. They want more coffins, guillotines, guns, and bullets. From the top down, it’s total madness. And Zito wanting more coffins is just proof of that,” our source said.

DHS Secretary Grady told Zito that she recognized the growing threat and promised to use every resource at her disposal to requisition all needed manpower and equipment.

In closing, our said he joined FEMA at a more tranquil time in the agency’s history, when any semi-qualified person seeking a paycheck could find work. Now, FEMA hires only persons whose qualification scores demonstrate a heightened level of psychopathy.

“If you’re a chill, laidback person, forget about working for FEMA. If you’re gung-ho and willing to kill anyone, anytime, based simply on being asked to, then you got a job,” our source said.

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